Hey, Sweetheart, come on over. She calls me on the phone, that's
what she says. Hey, Sweetheart, come on over. I say, It's late,
baby, you come over here. So we argue about it. She says, But
I was over there last week. I was over there last night. Wasn't
I over there last night? We argue about that. I say, Was it
last night? Are you sure it was last night? She says, Wait now,
I could be wrong. I could be. What's your name anyhow? That's
what she says: What's your name anyhow? And we argue about my
name. We argue about her name. We argue about everything under
the sun. She says, If you are going to argue I don't want to
talk to you. I say, Talk to me. I've got to talk to someone.
She says, Sweetheart, now you're talking. I'll be right over.
I'll hop into a cab. Okay, I think, that settles it. She's
coming. Don't get in a sweat. She'll be here pronto. Then I
say, Will you spend all night? Will you? Can I count on that?
And she says, Are you kidding? All night? Have you lost your
senses? What about my kids? What about my toothbrush? What about
all the nights I did spend all night and nothing ever happened?
What about that? I say, Hold on. Hold on, I say, I think you've
got the wrong party. Let's check that number again. Do we know
each other? She says, If that's how you feel I'm not coming.
She says, If that's how you feel you can call somebody else.
I say, what I say, is who called who? What I say is I don't
recall ringing your number. What I say is, Sweetheart, this isn't
working out. She says, Whose fault is that, if I may ask you?
Who started this? You always want to argue. Why do you always
want to argue? You'd better get straight with yourself before
you want to start making time with a woman like me. Am I making
time? I say, Is that what I'm doing? I say, How much time am
I making if you come over and nothing happens? She says, Did
I say that? Did I? So we argue about what happens and what does
not happen. We argue at considerable length about that. We are
shouting into the phone and she says, Why are you shouting?
Stop shouting, get a grip on yourself. But things have gone too
far, I can't get a grip on myself. I can't get straight with myself.
She says, I know. I know, that has always been your trouble.
I say, What trouble? I wasn't in any trouble until I met you.
She says, You're right. I don't doubt that for a minute. She
says, I'm always trouble, I've been trouble for every man I've
ever known. What I say is, No, you haven't. I say, You're a
life saver, that's what you are. Thank you, she says. Thank
you. It is very nice of you to say that. Even if you don't mean
it, it is nice of you to say so. I mean it, I say. You've saved
my life a thousand times. She says, If only I could believe that.
If only we could start over. I say, Every time I see you is
a new start, every time, even if nothing happens. She says, Oh
God, what can I do? What can I say? When I say nothing happens
I don't mean it the way you think I mean it. My head's in a whirl,
that's what she says. I say, Tell me about it. She says, I can't
talk now. She says, I've got to see you, what I want to say can't
be said on the phone. We're in deep water, she says. How did
we get in such deep water? I say, Let's talk about it. Okay,
she says, okay. I'll be right over and we can talk about it,
although that's all we do, is talk about it. Do you really think
we should? What I say is, Yes, yes, we owe it to each other.
Fine, she says, I'm on my way. Shall I pack my toothbrush?
Shall I stay the night? Can we have a nice friendly dinner somewhere?
The truth is I haven't eaten, I haven't eaten in days and days.
I say, Same here. I say, God, I'm starving let's do that, let's
eat somewhere. She says, Good, good, I can't wait to see you.
I think to myself, God, what a shot, what a woman! I can't wait
to see her, that's what I think. Wear a jacket, she says, it's
cold, it's very cold out there. You too, I say. Dress warmly,
don't let the cold get next to your bones. She says, You know
what I want next to my bones, don't you, don't you, you've always
known. I say, Hurry, let's not waste any time, why have we been
wasting all this time? I'm on my way, she says, I'm flying out
of the door. Me, too, I say, goodbye for now. Goodbye, she says,
kiss-kiss, she says, into the phone. What a woman, I think, why
are you always fighting with her? No fighting, I say, any more.
Get straight with yourself, Jack, go to a nice restaurant, hold
her hands, look into her eyes, get lost inside her eyes. That's
the ticket, son, you're in good shape now, you're trim and fit
and ready for anything. So I go down and I wait for her cab,
I wait for it. She's my sweetheart, I am hers. We are sweethearts
to each other, we are lovers through thick and thin. She'll be
here soon, any minute now, any second now. You believe me, don't
you? Accept it, every word is true. There's her cab now, turning
the corner, a nice yellow one. I can see the driver, I can see
her in the back seat, black coat up around her ears. Come on
now, hurry, hurry it up. We've got everything, we've got all
we need. What you have here, in this neighborhood, on this freezing
night, are two people, two sweethearts, who utterly understand