With Putch it was
a guy with pointed sideburns.
A guy with letters scratched into his hands.
He was a guy that worked at the
marina. He was a guy that put peopleís boats into the water and
took them out again. He was a guy in a blue shirt with a white
oval on the chest that said "Putch," and people didnít
know what that was supposed to mean.
I used to borrow my brotherís
boat and take it down there, and Putch would put it in the water.
My brother was in his third year of law school, and didnít have
time for the boat anymore. Putch would put it in the water for me,
and Iíd chug around the lake. I didnít even fish. Iíd fished
with my brother. Iíd held a line in the water. The fish were
okay. My brother had to take them off the hook for me. Their eyes
were a little scary. "Theyíre a little scary-looking, arenít
they?" I said to him. I laughed. "Throw it back in the
water," I always said.
Iíd chug around, then Iíd
come back and Putchíd put gas in it for me. He had these pointed
sideburns. He had these long, almost hard-to-see sideburns, shaved
off at an angle, at a real sharp hard angle, into the barest
point. I would look at those sideburns. I would look at those
sideburns. I would look at the points. Heíd be looking down. Iíd
be sitting on the rear seat of the boat, in shorts, with my legs
sweaty on the hot seat, and heíd be staring down at the dock
about a foot short of my leg. Heíd be drumming his boot on the
side of the boat and holding down the trigger on the gas pump. He
always wore these boots, in the heat and in the humidity of the
summer, these big, leather, round-toed boots, like a lumberjack
would wear. What Iíd picture a lumberjack wearing.
"Donít you get awful
hot?" I asked him once. After about two months I asked him
He looked around, mystified.
"Donít your feet get hot
in those boots?" I asked again, until he looked at me. He had
clear eyes, not blue, but colorless. You looked right through them
and the white showed from the other side.
"No, not really," he
said. "I donít suppose."
In another month he disappeared
from the marina. I borrowed the boat and went down, and there was
a guy there whose shirt said "Mark." Mark was a wiry guy
with streaky blond hair. Mark was a friendly guy with a pointed
chin who talked a lot about boats and about the benefits of fish
in the diet while he was filling your gas cans. I quit going down.
Then Putch was right there. He
was right there, eating lunch downtown in a booth with two other
guys, in the same coffee shop as me. In the same downtown diner as
me. He just happened to be there. I was there every day. The diner
was right next door to my office. Every day Iíd say to my
secretary, "Iím going to go grab a sandwich," as I
breezed by her desk. By breezing I mean I would go quickly. Iíd
go casually, with my hands in the pockets of my skirt, like I didnít
give a damn. And itís damned hard to put your hands casually in
the pockets of a skirted suit. Suit skirts are too tight across
the hips for that, and your hands donít fit in.
Iíd go outside, and then I
could take my hands out, and the diner was right next door. So I
sat down, on this day, and pulled the menu out from behind the
napkin holder. When I looked up he was right there, sitting two
booths down, with two guys. That was the thing about Putch. He had
those sideburns, and these letters on his hands. He had a round
chin, and a kind of look in his eyes. Heíd hold his mouth round,
hold his lips pursed round all the time. He had an amazed look in
his blank eyes. Always this amazed, mystified look.
Maybe heíll keep coming here,
I was thinking. Maybe heíll keep coming here.
He saw me looking at him. He
didnít say anything to me. He was looking right at me, I
thought. Maybe he didnít actually see me. He and the two guys
walked out and went across the street, right into the garage
there. Right into the garage of the gas station there. Anybody
could see them. Right through the big plate glass diner window.
Right there in plain sight.
He didnít come in again. That
day I thought, Heís working in that garage, and heíll keep
coming in, so Iíd keep my eyes open every day. Iíd sit there
and keep my eyes open, but he didnít come in. He never came in.
It turned out he was working concrete. It was kind of a mistake. A
welcome accident. A kind accident. I called these guys out to pave
my driveway. I got their name from my brother, over the phone. He
knew things like that. He always knew who to call. "Call
Smith Brothers Concrete," he said into the phone. "I
used to drink with Tim Smith in high school. Heís their kid.
Maybe he can get you a deal." That was the reason he gave me
this time. He always had a good reason.
When they showed up on Saturday
morning, I went out to make sure they knew what they were doing,
and there he was. There he was with a shovel in his hands, a
great, big, square-toed shovel. He was digging gravel out of my
driveway. He was digging the old gravel out of my driveway. He was
covered in a gray hard crust. Theyíd already finished one job
that day, one of the other guys told me then. They had two more
jobs to do later on.
It was pretty confusing. I was
listening to the guy standing in front of me, with white powder
clogging his eyebrows, talking about concrete jobs, and I was
watching the other one dig gravel with a big square-toed shovel.
Putch, I mean, digging, was the thing. One guy was talking, this
skinny younger guy with concrete dust in his eyebrows and his
hair, and Putch was digging, in my driveway, in the gravel.
tiring," I said.
"Sure is," the younger
guy said. He stood back on his heels and talked while his helpers
dug out the gravel between the forms and squared up the corners.
He was talkative. "My nameís Timmy Smith. You got you a
nice neighborhood," he said. "You got you a beautiful
"Thanks," I said.
though. You see them cracks? Not that little one. That big one? We
could lift it up, offa the band, like that; set it up on supports,
like that, you know, and replace that before it shifts on
"Oh, really? I donít
know. I donít think thatís really necessary."
"Keep your Sheetrock from
cracking. All that nice Sheetrock in thereís going to crack up,
when those walls move on down."
"This is a new house,"
I said. "Itís not going to hurt anything, I donít
"That roofís going to
shift. Iím telling you so. Get you some leaks."
"I think itíll be all
right," I said.
"You ask your husband, see
what he says when he gets home."
"Iím not married."
"Youíre not?" His
eyes bulged. That took a second. "You got you this great big
house all to yourself? What you need so much room for?"
"I donít know," I
He scraped his foot in the
gravel. His face was grimy. He was starting to sweat under the
powder. "I could swear I know you," he said finally.
"Didnít I used to know you from someplace?"
"I donít think," I
"Donít you think?"
he said. "Donít you think?" he kept saying.
Finally I told him that he knew
my brother. Then he was happy. "Heís in law school, isnít
he, there," the guy said to me. "Heck of a guy. Hell of
a guy. Law school. Youíre a lawyer too, huh?"
"Yes," I said.
"Thatís what I thought.
Thatís where I know you from. I remember you. I used to always
try to get your brother to fix you up with me. On a date. He ever
tell you that? Iíd come by in my car to pick him up, and I used
to see you sitting there reading on the porch. He used to twist my
arm and tell me to stay away from you. He said you was too good
for us local boys. Now you got your own name on a sign downtown,
so I guess he was right."
There was Putch. There was the
actual guy, standing ten feet away. I donít know if he heard. I
donít know if I wanted him to hear. His pointed sideburns. His
big leather boots. He was digging. The shovel was scraping in the
gravel. In the cinders, in the cinders. They were cinders, not
gravel. Scraping in the cinders. He was looking down. He was
looking down at the edge of the shovel, at the square edge. I
could see his eyes, for Godís sake. They were clear, and round;
and he held his mouth. He held his mouth, his lips, in a round O.
I brought them lemonade, on a
tray. I felt like such an idiot. He took lemonade off the tray. He
wrapped his fingers around the wet glass. I could see the letters,
the tattooed letters. They were right there. He turned the glass
up, and he was standing as close to me as ever. As close as when
heíd stand, drumming his booted foot against the hull of the
little borrowed boat. As close as when heíd let go of the
trigger, and the gas pump would jerk and stop, and heíd
straighten up and stand, turning around, and his eyes following
along, following after each of those movements like a trail, like
a clear and liquid trail of light. I could see them. I was
watching them. They always followed all his movements, as he swung
back and hung the hose back on the side of the pump. They were
clear and mystified. And his mouth was round. I mean his lips, his
lips. It was the way he held them, like there was a question. Like
there was some kind of question, always in his mind. Thatís not
what it was, but itís how it looked. It was just how it looked.
They drank the lemonade and went
right back to work. I stood there, like somebodyís grandmother.
"Your men sure work hard," I said to Tim Smith.
"Yeah," he said. He
grunted a little. He was down on his knees, working the bull
So I turned to go in the house.
I felt strange. I bent down and put the tray on the edge of the
grass, out of the way. "In case any of you want any
more," I said over my shoulder. I looked at them. They didnít
seem to hear me. They were all at work, the four or five of them.
Their faces were grimy and sweaty.
pounding," I said out loud. "My heart sure is
pounding." Then I sat down. I sat down on my knees, right
there in the gravel next to the corner of the form that was making
my new driveway.
Then I was lying down. I held my
breath and thought, Let it be, let it be, and I opened my eyes and
there was Tim Smith leaning over me. There was Timmy Smith,
leaning over me. I remembered him, too. I remembered him and his
"Whereís Putch?" I
"Putch," he said. His
eyes bulged, after a second. "Putch? Heís over there. What
do you want with him?"
"I donít know." Why
would I want to talk to that guy? Because of the letters on his
hands? He had these letters on his hands. These tattooed letters,
carved with a penknife by himself, no doubt, and then rubbed with
the blue ink of a broken ballpoint pen, to spell "true
love" on his hands, one letter above each knuckle of his two
hands. They were upside down. He probably did it himself, turned
the two hands toward himself and spelled the letters out with the
short dull pen blade, so that when they were done and he spread
them flat, blood-smeared, to admire, they were upside down. But he
could look at them in the mirror, couldnít he? He could sit
before the mirror with his knuckles folded, his wrists raised up,
and there it would be blazing back into his clear eyesótrue
love. A person like me could see them, anyway. A person like me
could see them, clearly; not sure at first what they said, seeing
just enough of them to notice, and to want something. And he had
the name, "Putch," in a white oval on his shirtfront.
Maybe that was it. Maybe that was just it. He had those sideburns.
He had those pointed sideburns.