J. Marvin
Lies in 56
(FOR SC)
Grey fog the Firestone plant off the freeway bathed in yellow light a two tone Chevy the building's gargoyles watch every car's move I only have eyes for you on the radio glowing a dull green it was me and her a Southern California winter night I sat in ambulatory shock wondering where he had went too his name never mentioned but he was there between us on that night and many more to come only later did I realize she had run him off I hated her for it blame her for making him something neither of us could have so I searched for him in the face of others most of my life until I found him one Christmas in a mall with a friend touched his grave stone off another freeway told him it was OK I had worked it out there on my haunches in the purple afternoon sun lying to him lying to myself the same way I had lied to others the same way she had lied to me.
That Tree
I got big something or other tree in my backyard this tree is old crusty bark bare branches scream against the winter sky and in the middle of this tree sits a hole and in that hole lives a collection of squirrels one of them sticks his head out of the hole and watches me come and go and I dig that hole and want to reach inside that hole and see into that hole and live in that fucking hole up there warm against the cold night I can't get my mind off that hole and those squirrels do they ever think of death their death my death your death the way I think of my death and that hole on a ladder middle of the stupid cold night flashlight eye to the hole hand in the hole the feel of fur and teeth and cut flesh razor sharp slices you'd think I'd had enough of that tree burnt bark barren branches hole in the middle you'd think I could get my mind off that hole that I had enough of that hole but I can't get my mind off that hole anymore than I can get my mind off my death it stays with me rides to work with me sleeps with me and waits for me its dark center looking out at me knowing it will still be in that tree in that backyard long after I'm gone.
Against the Cold
A car crawls across an icy road battling the blowing snow its blue paint stands defiant against the white and gray from the snow and icy pavement it was the three of us radio on listening to the news and weather nothing said between us except the idle chatter before death a way to cover a one way ride from this moment to that from this icy road to that the last rights before the final walk we pulled off the road into Bing's Travel Store the three of us jacked on junk hefting and poking the various packaged goods chocolate cupcakes and mint cookies helped ourselves to soda and chips making small talk with the fat bald man behind the counter until I couldn't take it anymore I hit him he hit him I pulled him from behind the counter and she kicked him he was gone another vacancy in one of the Christ child's temples we cleaned the drawer stocked up split for Bismarck picked up three days later locked behind county walls it was the three of us she rolled when push came to shove now the two of us set to dangle in a dance of death defiant against the cold one more time
The Standard
The standard was there for you to bend down and pick up instead you chose to ignore it your youthful back pink untouched too self absorbed too busy to act to change the way things were instead you chose to walk down the same path your elders moved on letting yourself down letting me down letting us down so when I saw you other day wearing a crown of skin and hair black and pursued by the sun I wanted to yell out you had your prance motherfucker it was there Jumpin' Jack Flash and Street Fightin' Man you didn't act on I didn't act on we didn't act on it we watched it slip away to trace or a note in a song nothing left now a memory stored in a brain cell somewhere the standard left on the ground trampled under the utter bullshit of another Monday morning.
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