Didem Arslanoglu ~ With Mothers, With Daughters

I didn’t real­ize how sticky human blood was until I slipped in my kitchen last August and fell into the mouth of my pried-open dish­wash­er with a but­ter knife rest­ing edge-up. I remem­ber think­ing that I was like a piña­ta filled with black cher­ries, the way I flowed out of myself like an unusu­al­ly red slushy.

Before it hap­pened, I was wash­ing dish­es and think­ing about why my moth­er is the way she is. I thought about her immi­grat­ing to America at 20, trick­ling limply through gro­cery stores look­ing for jarred grape leaves, her seer, pearly eyes radi­at­ing rest­less­ness, some­how turn­ing 45, becom­ing a wife and a moth­er, and dis­ap­pear­ing among a cho­rus of greet­ings at the school pick-up zone, fond of say­ings like Salutations and How do you do? (rem­nants of her ESOL edu­ca­tion at a Long Island school she for­gets the name of) con­fused why the oth­er par­ents nev­er said any­thing back. I thought about how tir­ing it must be to have spent a life excus­ing your­self and explain­ing your­self, then wak­ing up at 64 and won­der­ing what hap­pened to you after a life­time of accom­mo­dat­ing, all in a coun­try that can­not seem to love you back. I thought about the dap­pled smell of Vicks and köfte shaped by her hands and the old cot­ton blan­kets she wrapped around pots of home­made yogurt so they’d clot overnight. I thought about how she bought yogurt from the store now and that one day, her death would fall in my life­time and I wouldn’t know how to live in its wake. I imag­ined her face, creased like a palm, unload­ing the dish­wash­er as a 64-year-old and it blurred my vision, so I turned the faucet from luke­warm all the way to hot.

I thought about my child­hood in Lake County—the vel­vety green skies in mid-April, crowd­fund­ed school play sets and sweet corn on sty­ro­foam plates and the angry geese with their spring honk­ing. How often I mar­veled at con­trails sprawl­ing in the ear­ly morn­ing sky, how rock­ets always seemed to be going to the moon! How the pin oaks and sug­ar maples in my back­yard shud­dered to life when the adults dis­ap­peared. “We die for noth­ing,” they’d say to me, and “don’t let us dis­ap­pear.” How I’d prompt­ly thrown out my mom’s gro­cery store paper­backs and peti­tioned against my Kumon home­work, cry­ing because, what if one day I end­ed up a tree and all I had to watch over me was a child?

I remem­bered, too, how bad­ly I used to crave pump­kin pie in the dead of a Midwestern sum­mer. I thought I’d go to Costco and buy pump­kin pie lat­er that night, after the dish­es, because I was 25 and no longer had to wait for an occa­sion to eat pump­kin pie. I remem­bered that my tank was on E and I need­ed to stop for gas first but the gas sta­tion was out of the way and I didn’t want to dri­ve 40 min­utes total just to get a stom­achache from pie, so I thought I’d go the next day after work.

I thought about my exes and re-imag­ined them as bow-legged lambs. I envi­sioned every sext I’ve ever sent in a fugue state, blown up on some per­vert­ed sub­red­dit and ruin­ing my life. I thought about con­stant­ly feel­ing unnat­ur­al in my wom­an­hood, maybe because I’d always felt like a daugh­ter first, and I’d always be a daugh­ter before I could be a woman. I thought about the dish soap dry­ing my knuck­les, my zom­bie fin­gers, how my hair was get­ting longer but in an unkempt way, Brazilian wax­es and how the idea of get­ting one now was laugh­able, yet I almost wished to be back on that spa table with the parch­ment paper on Stevens Creek because then I’d been 20, a star­ry-eyed dynamo, choked with hope because all pain was mea­sured and man­age­able, and most­ly, I felt every­thing was still possible.

I didn’t want to think any­more, but my phone was out of reach, and the dish­es were near­ly done, so I thought about every­thing I’d watched that day on my phone. A gaunt ankle chal­lenge, chewy soy­beans, neon green slick, jum­bo radioac­tive pick­les stuffed with cream cheese and Takis, an ad for gut-bio­me friend­ly antacids, a bomb drop­ping over a hos­pi­tal, the sup­ply-chain cri­sis behind but­ter­boards, DIY brine shrimp egg hatch­ery, a group of vil­lagers in Taiwan unknow­ing­ly record­ed on eye­glass­es, a recruit­ment ad for the US Marine Corps, bi-coastal influ­encers tast­ing prof­iteroles on cam­era, a six-year-old look­ing for her moth­er in the rub­ble, a pro­boscis mon­key wrig­gling its phal­lic-look­ing nose mak­ing nois­es that sound­ed vague­ly like “hep,” hep,” “hep,” a demo video of a mis­sile packed with six blades and no war­head, air-fry­er recipes for busy cor­po­rate boyfriends, a hir­ing ad post­ed by the LAPD, a list of dai­ly facial exer­cis­es (because emot­ing sup­pos­ed­ly result­ed in quag­gy jowls and giz­zards), a makeshift apple bong passed between yab­ber­ing teenagers in a dope-fogged Nissan Altima, and an old woman with fatigue-flat­tened eyes, red streaked on her fore­head, palms cupped to the sky, scream­ing “my son!”

I thought about how I hadn’t talked to my grand­moth­er in months. I thought about the Turkish econ­o­my, then my favorite soup, analı kızlı—with moth­ers, with daugh­tersthe meat­balls the moth­ers, the chick­peas the daugh­ters. I thought American soups hard­ly had that kind of seman­tic ambi­tion, then I thought about my grand­moth­er again and my grand­fa­ther while I was at it, my aunts and uncles and cousins, feel­ing ashamed I was this mute lit­tle girl in America, exist­ing wan­ton­ly among thongs and bacon cheese­burg­ers and Republicans. I thought I’d call every­one the next day, in descend­ing order of age, on my way to Costco for pump­kin pie. I thought about vis­it­ing, off-sea­son tick­et prices, the 14-hour flight time from LAX to Istanbul, the clunky UX of the Turkish Airlines app, and then about Germanwings 9525. I thought about planes and how a plane can fly safe­ly if one engine dies and even rea­son­ably glide for a bit if it los­es all its engines and then I thought about how none of those things mat­tered for the 149 peo­ple on that Germanwings 9525 flight. I thought about the occa­sion­al futil­i­ty of kind­ness, how you could spend your life being good-natured and for­giv­ing and moral, but it wouldn’t mean a thing if one stranger had already decid­ed to end your life on a ran­dom Tuesday.

I thought about reli­gious per­sua­sion and prison din­ners and e‑blasts and the price of chick­en and hiatal her­nias and trees and hell­fire mis­siles and the com­plex dust struc­tures hid­ing under my oven. I thought about how my hand was burn­ing because the water was too hot and then I stepped back and slipped on the trail of water I’d been leav­ing across the kitchen floor and while I tried to catch my bal­ance, I land­ed stom­ach-first on the open dish­wash­er and then I’d nev­er thought about any­thing more clear­ly in my life.

~

Didem Arslanoglu is a Turkish-American writer/editor liv­ing in Los Angeles. Her fic­tion appears in Astrolabe, The Ana, and is forth­com­ing in Cleaver Magazine.