RINF
I’m opening another before I’m finishing, with no reliable internet, with a paperclip to up & down the zipper on my green coat, with you except you’re not you & you’re wherever you are, in an apartment full of me & my quiets, in a city full of the kind of air that will leave you behind. I wake up full of windows & flowers—I did not dream of the thing we talked about when we talked last. I dreamt of an arrow, which was in the shape of a tree, & it went straight through the sun.
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It Will Shock You How Much It Never Happened
The first sentence is a play on Saturday with Harmony. Tonight, there is a scene with Peggy in her hospital bed where she lies & wins my heart. I like thinking about scenes & hospitals & beds & lies & hearts. I believe you believe in change because you want to. I’m thinking of us hungover on the sidewalk in front of a parade—it reminds me to remember silence is the kindest, saddest, most-lived truth.
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Is It Milwaukee?
The first sentence is a dream in a restaurant with an old friend, a stranger, my parents, & pink lighting. There are two tables & three menus: vegetables, meats, drinks. I sit inside a closet with the door shut for a second before I open it & ask the lady (dressed in black, with sunglasses on, sitting by herself) to swap places so my mother & father would have room to sit (the closet is tinier than the dining room, which now includes an extra table). The chef is the owner & he bangs into me coming through the kitchen door. He has great hair & makes me laugh & my parents nervous even though I’m straight. Matt, the chef, & I are playing music. I’m the one just dancing la la la. Matt explains he is transitioning. The chef is in the window with a guitar then writhing on the floor then I’ve upset Matt. I wake up just after Matt kicks in the door behind the door in the fluorescent restaurant.
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Beymer
There are spots everywhere—spots on my hands, spots on Paul Newman, spots on spots on spots. I wake up at an uncertain time every day: I wake up, believing in myself, & get the fuck on with it. There are children everywhere. I hate it. I don’t eat animals but I do not love them either. There are spots everywhere. Who is a man? Who isn’t? I keep washing. I have always liked the name Margot. Can you drink in the hospital of your mind? I bought you flowers before I knew you. I buy me something else.
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Turtle
I want to ask you things on the fifth floor. I mean something. I believe in umbrellas & walking & glasses. I believe the job of your life is to know yourself. I remember: you walked up to me & I walked up to you. We said hello almost at the same time. I took a job. I took another. I took another. I took another. I took another. I took another. I took another. I took another. I took another. I took another. I took another. I took another. I took another. I took another. I took another. I took another. I took another. I took another.
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Parker Tettleton is a vegan Leo living in Portland, Oregon. He is the author of Ours Mine Yours (Pitymilk Press 2014), Greens (Thunderclap Press 2012), & Same Opposite (Thunderclap Press 2010). More information can be found here.