My Problems
are so much more intriguing
than your problems.
My problems have heft,
(although heft is not one
of my problems thank God,
my genes, and my fine
metabolism). Your problems
are a cluster of lofty vocational/
relational/financial desires
mismatched to meager resources,
a pile of cross-contaminated detritus,
whereas mine are like a closet
on the verge of a makeover, a favorite
boutique I can shop in for free,
overcome by the excess of potential.
My problems exude style
and substance. People
write plays and fight wars
in admiration and lamentation
of my problems. The Western
canon is full of paeans
to my problems; your problems
are a drawer full of busted can
openers and rancid pecan shells
left behind by peons.
We’ve all got our problems.
But would you even trade
your homely problems
for my comely ones?
No, you would not.
Such is the nature
of our problems.
After Campbell McGrath
~
Truce
I know you know I know you know I know
my longing for indifference to indifference
my deferred differential deference toward
deference, my insipid incipient reticent,
hesitant diffidence is a mechanistic
duly diligent Messianic mechanisme
de defense:
denial, displacement, dissociation, desensitization, deflection
projection, introjection, retroflection, repression
regression, rationalization, reaction formation
intellectualization, identification, isolation, undoing
sublimation, suppression, compensation, conversion
confluence, compartmentalization
any or all of the above.
To put it concretely, the tenor
of the human condition:
the mortal body, awareness
of consciousness and its limits
the possibility of reason, the struggle
with nature and her antecedents
is borne along by the vehicle
of figurative language, symbols
of images like cymbals accenting
the homage, the ascending assent:
we have arrived at a consensual
understated understanding
of arguably agreeable
disagreement or disagree-
able agreement.
~
Kidding
Humor is the worst.
Literally no one finds it funny.
Ever, because it’s not mean,
it’s corny or cringe-ey, sometimes
all of the above, a trifecta of deflection.
It’s a lot like compliments.
Don’t give them, unless
specifically invited to do so,
especially at work.
At work, if they ask what you liked
about their presentation, don’t say you
liked their new haircut. And if they ask
how you like their new haircut,
say thank you for asking;
that’s very thoughtful
of you to seek my opinion.
Full stop. (Under no circumstances
should you say, it’d look great
on my pillow, even if you preface
it with not to be creepy.)
And, unlike compliments
no one ever asks
for humor. Instead
they seek it out furtively
in speakeasies like comedy
clubs, late night talk shows
and social media, pillow talk,
consent implicit, complicit,
not from coworkers or bosses,
and certainly not from the likes of you.
Or go on, laugh your way
to unemployment like yet
another canceled comedian,
but, instead, a canceled bureaucrat
who threw away a secure career
for some dumb joke
It’s not worth it, that tickle
of mirth lightening your heart.
No matter how gentle
how well-intentioned
it leaves someone out
and makes them feel
worse: your endorphins
surging at their expense.
It’s passive aggressive
or actively so, but surely hostile,
or at best insensitive.
Even to chuckle, to smile, at absurdity is to piss
on tragedy, disrespecting the hard-won misery
of someone. If anyone is solemn,
everyone should be.
Nietzsche said a joke is an epigram
on the death of a feeling.
We need more grimness,
the type that resists
enantiodromia, that flip
from grief to levity that cracks
us up at a funeral, contagious laughter
that reminds the assembled
of the hilarity inherent to our humanity
and that of the dear departed, and makes
the whole room unite in tears.
Nothing good can come
of such unseemly glee.
~
Last Night
I. I saw you at the K‑mart in Lexington, Kentucky
where neither of us had reason to be. I fondled
mix and match black and ecru polyester floral prints;
studied their minuscule variations, their infinite
combinations as if to prepare for a quiz.
You were smaller than I remembered, and quieter.
I said hi more loudly than usual while I pondered how
to ask what you are doing here, explain why
I was there, and comment how bizarre
that we were both there, but you brisked away
like I was the devil
you used to know.
II. My boss was moonlighting as my new dentist,
but his name was Bill (W)ilson. I’m not a drinker,
but when it comes to dental work I’m a believer
in any and all killers of pain. None of his equip-
ment was working properly even though I
and all the other patients were variously disrobed.
I had to use the restroom, but all the toilets
were filled with black soil; converted into planters.
When I wandered back, a man in briefs
lounged on my chair. I felt disappointed to leave
a dreaded task unfinished, but sometimes
one must cut one’s losses.
~
Julie Benesh is author of the poetry collection Initial Conditions and the poetry chapbook About Time. She has been published in Tin House, Another Chicago Magazine, Florida Review, and many other places, earned an MFA from The Program for Writers at Warren Wilson College, and received an Illinois Arts Council Grant. She teaches writing craft workshops at the Newberry Library and has day jobs as a professor, department chair, and management consultant. She holds a PhD in human and organizational systems. Read more at juliebenesh.com.