Mathieu Parsy ~ Paper Tigers

I fold orange con­struc­tion paper along the lines the teacher drew in Sharpie. My son beside me—six, gap-toothed, entire­ly absorbed—creases his own with unsteady fin­gers, his tongue pok­ing from the cor­ner of his mouth like punc­tu­a­tion. Around us: the mut­ed chaos of pipe clean­ers and child chat­ter, glue sticks clicked open and dry mark­ers dragged across waxy table­cloths. A caged jun­gle of clatter.

He nudges my elbow and says: “Don’t for­get the stripes.” I smile like I’m lis­ten­ing, though my tiger looks more like a fox that lost a bet. His, some­how, already has a kind of grace. He draws whiskers with cer­tain­ty, black cray­on swish­ing like a brush­stroke from some mem­o­ry he shouldn’t yet have. Maybe we all inher­it a bit of tiger, unspool­ing through blood­lines. I’d like to believe that.

The teacher says the theme today is strength. “Tigers are silent hunters,” she offers. “Not loud like lions. They wait. They stalk. They strike when the time is right.”

I feel like the oppo­site of a tiger most days. I speak too much, too quick­ly. I apol­o­gize for things before anyone’s had time to be hurt. I write emails that say “just fol­low­ing up!” and mean “please don’t for­get me.” I flinch at loud sounds.

But my son—he growls some­times for fun. He climbs coun­ters bare­foot. When he falls, he announces the pain, then gets up like a cat uncoil­ing from sleep. No shame in him yet. I envy that.

He asks if tigers ever cry. I tell him I don’t know, but maybe they do, qui­et­ly, where no one can see. He says that doesn’t sound strong. Then he gives his paper tiger blue tears any­way, tucked just beneath the eyes. “Just in case,” he says. I don’t know whether he means for the tiger or for himself.

Later, walk­ing home, his tiger flaps in the wind, tied to his wrist with yarn. He gal­lops it through the air, shriek­ing and laugh­ing, until the yarn snaps. The tiger som­er­saults into the gut­ter. He freezes. Looks at me.

I brace for tears, but he just kneels, scoops it out, wipes off the wet. The paper droops a lit­tle now. It will nev­er quite stand again.

That’s okay,” he shrugs. “It still remem­bers how.”

I want to say something—to let him know how much he teach­es me, how he car­ries strength like breath, casu­al and essen­tial. But all that comes out is: “Want to make anoth­er one when we get home?” He nods. We walk on.

In between his fin­gers, the fall­en tiger flutters.

~

Mathieu Parsy’s writ­ing has appeared or is forth­com­ing in Your Impossible Voice, BULL, Bending Genres and Maudlin House. Originally from the French Riviera, he now lives in Toronto and works in the trav­el indus­try. Follow him on Instagram at @mathieu_parsy.