Emanate
I’d had a good week. I’d gone about my business without running into anyone I knew. No one had spoken to me or stared at me. When I returned home from the grocery store or wherever, I pushed the button to lower the garage door before I got out of the car, preventing any coincidental contact with neighbors. The vacation I’d planned was coming up, giving me an excellent chance of not seeing anyone I knew for another week. A temporary optimism dominated my mood when the driving service dropped me at the airport. I was rolling my bag toward my gate, winding through tangles of other travelers, no answering thoughts or words mounting in my head, when I noticed someone taking me in, his eyes sticking to me, a grimace appearing. I glanced at him, his name a blank, his connection to a longtime enemy coming to mind. I looked away, my gate visible ahead, the staring man stuck in line to buy a bottle of water.
I took a seat where I could see him approach, if he did, not long till boarding, many gates, many flights, his flight unlikely to be the same as mine. I slowly relaxed, no sign of him as boarding started. My bag in the overhead storage, I buckled in, fourth row on the right, aisle seat, every entering passenger visible. A few minutes passed, and there he was, the friend of my enemy, eyes drawn to my face, glaring as if a foul odor emanated from deep inside me. He took the seat directly behind mine, and I imagined the impact of his thoughts seeping through my skull, spreading their contagion.
I began to think what my enemy could have told him about me, his version turning every detail of every story against me, his friend now behind me repeating those distortions to himself. The strength of my determination not to answer his look, not to say a word, fed my desire to address him. Would he lean over my shoulder and make remarks? Would we be staying in the same area or the same hotel, walking the same streets? Would he confront me? I stood and opened the overhead compartment, grabbed my bag and maneuvered upstream against the oncoming passengers, pushing back thoughts of cancellation policies, telling one of the attendants that I had an emergency to deal with. I argued with my enemy to myself, listening for footsteps behind me as I pulled my bag up the tunnel.
When I reached the terminal I stopped at an empty space along the wall and watched the jet until it left the gate. Had I stirred up more trouble by fleeing? He’d tell my enemy the tale, and it would be added to his store of disparaging accounts. I kept still, eyes on the gate, making sure the friend of my enemy did not emerge, a hint of a smile revealing the pleasure he took in my reaction to him.
Talk
My friend Wyman and I are sitting at a table with our beers at the bar where we meet monthly. We’ve agreed not to speak to each other during our meetings because we almost always disagree, even about our reasons for disagreeing. Our preference for not speaking is one of the only things we agree on. We disagree about various people we know, about who’s annoying and why they’re annoying or not annoying; about whether remarks we’ve heard were funny or sarcastic or funny and sarcastic and whether they mask some deep-seated anger or resentment; about who doesn’t have a sense of humor and whether the things those people don’t laugh at are actually funny; about the meaning of something a person said or what the person who said it meant or didn’t mean; about whether a person’s facial expression revealed or concealed what he or she was thinking; about whether Wyman thinks he’s right all the time and whether I think I’m right all the time; about our differing opinions of our ex-wives, I having a higher opinion of his ex-wife than he does and he having a higher opinion of my ex-wife than I do; about which books are boring and overwritten and about which characters or people in them deserve the most empathy; about whether it’s a better use of time to read so-called fiction or so-called nonfiction; about whether we have bad will toward various people we don’t like; about who talks too much, especially between the two of us; about which one of us is the most judgmental and which one of us is wasting more time thinking about the things we think about. As we sit in silence, tension mounts between us, both of us imagining our disagreements on every subject that enters our minds. I can’t shake the feeling that he’s keeping me quiet, and I strongly suspect he thinks I’m keeping him quiet, though he might disagree with me. Our imagined conflicts escalate, the urge to speak bulging beneath the surface. Wyman looks at me as if he doesn’t want to hear any back talk. We rise in unison, wincing at the friction of our chairs against the floor. We shake hands abruptly and depart, Wyman leading, our beers unfinished.
~
Glen Pourciau’s fourth story collection, Under, was published in September by Four Way Books. His stories have been published by AGNI Online, Epoch, New England Review, The Paris Review, Post Road, and others.