Shoshauna Shy ~ Now I Know Why There’s This Big a Crowd at My Funeral

Let me tell you, it helps to keel over unex­pect­ed­ly when in your mid-50s on a sun­ny morn­ing in June. Catch every­body by sur­prise–“Aurora? God, no!” But while folks are stunned, hushed and grace­ful in pay­ing their respects, there is that cougar in the cerise shawl and stilet­tos whom I nev­er saw once my entire life. She’s here because she had a secret crush on my youngest broth­er back in 2013, and she’s hop­ing Clark is divorced by now. (He’s not.)

The skin­ny man with the sil­ver pony­tail who didn’t even know me, came because he needs hugs, and events like these are where they hap­pen. Mine is his sec­ond funer­al since Sunday.

That pudgy woman from my church with the Brillo hair, her lips in a per­ma­nent purse, came express­ly to note which of my daugh­ters did not show (yep! Linda!), and of those who did, which one doesn’t join her sis­ters in the front pew (Lucy).

The woman I roomed with our sopho­more year whose braid is still blonde cour­tesy of Clairol, is hop­ing to dis­cov­er an ex who has either main­tained his mus­cu­la­ture or sports a Rolex (that’d be Ben fifth row; Everett by the exit), and will want to go for a drink after the service.

The heavy-set man with a fedo­ra loi­ter­ing by the poster boards has come to make amends with my aunt Lorraine. They had a nasty falling-out back in March.

And yes, folks who knew me as a child or knew of me or wished I had giv­en them the chance to know me bet­ter, file in like extras for a movie scene. Meanwhile, those who trad­ed blue jeans with me their teen years or trav­eled to my beach house through­out the sea­sons are celebri­ties-of-the-day stand­ing at the podi­um, one of the in-crowd privy to a spe­cial kind of mourn­ing. Their eyes mist over with the rehash of my antics and ambi­tions, shar­ing anec­dotes that coax the relief of laugh­ter (good going, Greg!). The extras envy them, yet get the splash of con­tact ten­der­ness, a cleans­ing in the com­mu­nal well of grief, encir­cled by the glad­i­o­las I loved, their bou­quets fill­ing an array of vases.

And there are moth­ers of my friends in the elder­ly bracket–like that one in an orange chif­fon dress by the refresh­ment table gaz­ing around the full room ner­vous­ly sip­ping a cup of punch. All her friends are old as she is. She hopes to go soon–not next, no, not that–but soon­er than lat­er, because even­tu­al­ly there won’t be enough folks left to attend hers, she assumes. Ponytail Man over there (just look at him!) is due a big crowd, she fig­ures, since he obvi­ous­ly is pop­u­lar, as if that’s what it takes. Because she has no clue.

None of them do. And nei­ther did I.

Until now.

~

Shoshauna Shy’s flash fic­tion and micro-mem­oir has recent­ly appeared in the pub­lic are­na cour­tesy of Cranked Anvil, Five Minutes, Literally Stories and Flash Boulevard. An edi­tor for 101Words, one of her flash was includ­ed in Best Microfiction 2021 while she was a final­ist for the 2021 Fish Flash Fiction Prize. She earned a Notable Story dis­tinc­tion in Brilliant Flash Fiction’s 2022 con­test, was includ­ed in their 10th Anniversary con­test anthol­o­gy in 2024, and had sto­ries includ­ed in the Bath Flash Fiction Award antholo­gies in 2022 and 2023.